We went to visit our doctor today. After reading the labels on the Highland Teething Tabs and the Infant Motrin and the Baby Oragel I found that they all said to visit a doctor if you use them for longer than 7 days in a row, we were up to 9 days in a row at that point. I figured that it couldn’t hurt and might rule out anything else that might be making her feel nasty. The good and bad news of the day is that it is just her teeth making her feel nasty. Her tummy is fine, her lungs are fine, she is a healthy baby, well except for that flat spot on her head; the doctor ordered an x-ray of her skull. Her fontanels in the back of her head do not feel 100% fused and at this point they should be; it also looks like there may be an overlap of plates. I of course had a “bad mother moment” where I felt like the most terrible mom in the world. I am used to seeing babies with these problems at work, but these problems are usually the result of neglect. A friend of mine assured me that I do not neglect my baby in the tiniest way, which I know somewhere in my heart to be true, but I can’t help but succumb to those nagging feelings that keep telling me “you are not doing your job right.” And what if something is really wrong with her? And something serious could be, I know this because I Googled it like any good self depreciating mother. The results that came up were atrocious. I got this sinking feeling in my tummy and thought to myself, why did I look that up, now I am loosely convinced that she has Rickets because I am forgetful about giving her the Vitamin D drops. We go for her x-ray this week and I am hoping right down to my own bones that everything is found to be within the parameters of typical.
I think that doing the job that I do just makes this all worse; and I mean all of it- the teething, the sleeping the flat head… I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me to just know what I am doing and to not experience any real issues that I can’t figure out. I am not supposed to be having problems like this. Well I am here to tell you that sometimes heaps of knowledge is not enough, sometimes a lot of knowledge is too much. You stress and worry about all the worse case scenarios of every scenario. Knowing too much also causes me to forget to take all of this one day at a time. I keep going over every decision that I make and I think about the direct effects of that decision on her development and ultimately our lives.
For example, right now she is sleeping in our bed again and we are using the soother to help her to sleep. At the suggestion of the doctor we also started swaddling her again to see if it helps to settle her and help her to get more sleep. So here we are back to where we were when she was two and a half months old. My mind just kitchensinked and was like okay now we have to get her out of swaddling again and get her in her own bed again, and help her learn how to self soothe again- AGAIN! I think the doctor saw this on my face and she told me that I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. She said that when Everly is developmentally ready to she will sleep without swaddling and that before 6 months the expectation to self-soothe is not a huge one; which is why letting a baby “cry it out” isn’t recommended until they are at least 6 months. You see, I know this stuff. I would love to be able to turn on the needed information that I have and turn off the not needed and scary information that lurks in my brain.
Baby increases her knowledge!
I don’t think that I am alone in this pressure though, I think so many new moms put this pressure on themselves. I don’t know why we think it, but we all have the idea in our heads that we have to be these perfect super mothers. Perfect super mother does not exist. I have been thinking a lot about this, I have been trying to reframe it in my own head and what I have come up with is that a perfect super mother is one who has difficulties and makes mistakes and knows how to deal with them. By dealing with them, I mean that she asks for help and isn’t embarrassed and she doesn’t beat herself up for not knowing how to get through every thing that comes up. The perfect mother’s perfectness lays in her imperfections.
On a more positive note… she is not hating tummy time anymore. Now she can play on her tummy for up to 15 minutes sometimes. I guess since we have been doing a lot of repositioning to keep her off her back, she has just had to get used to being on her tummy. She can fully extend with her arms now and has even pivoted. There is nothing like laying face to face with her on the floor and having her big blue eyes look up at me with a huge smile on her face where before there would have been a screaming face, lol! I get a little misty eyed now just thinking about it. My goodness she is such an endearing little squirt. I just love her to bits.
Tummy time and chicken!
Below are promised pictures from Auntie Megan’s wedding!
With the bride and groom.