Worst Night So Far

So last night was the worst night we have had so far. She went to bed great though, under one minute of protesting again! I was really thinking positive after that. Naps and bedtime have been so much better. It is rare that she will protest longer than 3 to 5 minutes(note… I am calling crying/fussing protesting now, because I think it is a more realistic and positive way to describe the behaviour). it is the middle of the night deal that is killing us. I just don’t know what to do! Last night I figured she was hungry again when she woke so I just figured I would feed her and get it over with, rather than listen to her protest for 45 minutes and then feed her, I just thought it would save everyone some stress. Well no, that’s not the way it went down. I fed her and then she protested for a half hour, all the while her protesting was getting more and more intense. I was mindful that others in this house have to work in the morning too, so I just got up and nursed her again and then she went back to sleep asap (she did not fall asleep on the breast though). While I was feeding her I was like, please don’t protest again, please don’t protest again, just go right back to sleep, please. My mind started racing for solutions.. should I bring back the swaddle, should I give her the soother, should I bring her into our bed… what can I do to get more sleep?! I think I know now how a person addicted to drugs feels about that one last hit… last night I wanted that one last hit, but I pulled through and man was it hard. I realized that to give in is to basically throw all our work thus far into the gutter, and we have worked hard- all 3 of us!!!

So now I feel like I don’t know which end is up… I fed her but she still cried, so was she really hungry and I had to feed her again to settle her down. So really, is she hungry or is this starting to become a learned behaviour. I never want to deprive my child of food so that I can get a few hours more of sleep, that is not the goal here; if she is legitimately hungry I will feed her no questions asked! But I have this sinking feeling that she is probably relying on me to help her get back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

And why the night waking during this second week- why? The first week she did not wake at all in the middle of the night (well that we heard her anyway), she was sleeping 10 to 12 hour stretches! My Nana figures that the first week was a novelty, now she has realized what we are trying to do and so she is resisting change the best way that she knows how- PROTESTING! I remember saying to B last night- when is this child going to learn. I guess some kids it just takes longer than others, some are a bit more stubborn. As of tomorrow we will officially be in our third week of this program, it’s at 3 weeks that things are really supposed to start getting better… I’ll be the judge of that!

And why the obsession with sleep? A friend of mine said that she never expected to be this obsessed with her baby’s sleep. I replied well once you don’t have something, getting it is like finding the holy grail. Well call me Robert Langdon because I am currently on a quest to find the holy grail! Just a side note here… once she starts sleeping, I wonder what I will start to obsess about… maybe her eating habits?? Does this ever stop?

Last night B made fun of me for doing one of my standard “signs of life” checks before I went to bed. I peered in her crib and not satisfied (as usual) I put my hand on her chest to feel her breathing. A little neurotic I know, but I just second guess myself the whole time I am trying to go to sleep if I don’t do it. He said to me that she has slept and woken up for almost 6 months now, and she will wake up again this morning. I scoffed at his confidence, why don’t dads get it… or am I really, legitimately nuts on this one?


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