Everly did great last night. I sat in her room on the floor as she was falling asleep and got to see her own little sleep rituals taking place. She started by protesting a little bit, maybe three minutes tops… then she started to grab her hippo and talk to him, I am quite certain she was telling him all about her day. After she got tired of that she rolled over onto her tummy and started to make little mewing noises as she sucked on her finger, within minutes of this she was fast asleep. I rolled her back over after letting her get into a deep sleep- I am still not comfortable with her sleeping face first into the mattress!
She slept great through the night; making only a few sounds at 2:30am. She didn’t wake up until 5:45am! At that time I took her into our bed after I fed her and we all slept in together until 8:30am, if you can believe it 🙂 While I was falling asleep next to her I thought how nice it was to lay there and snuggle- we don’t get to do that during the day because she is too busy, lol. I thought to myself that it would have been nice if the family bed thing had worked out, but then in the same instant I immediately thought- but who’s best interest would that have been in? Would I have been keeping her in our bed because of my own needs or hers. Since she sleeps great on her own in her own bed, I can confidently say it would not have been for her own needs. She sleeps worse when she is next to us because we wake her up! In the end it would have been for me, because I wasn’t ready to let go, which would have been fine too I guess if that was my process… but at some point you have to let go and allow your children to be independent, it helps to develop their self confidence and self concept. I want Everly to be a secure and confident woman who believes in herself above all else and I think this is one baby step in that direction.
While falling asleep next to her I also realized that I could look at her little face all day long. Everything about her was amazing. Her little nose and mouth, her beautiful, long eyelashes on her cheeks, the rise and fall of her little body with each breath- in that moment she was absolute perfection to me, she still is when I think about it now. My heart filled with pride as I looked from her to B, thinking that we made her, what a miracle she is. I know, that’s super sappy, and a little bit cliche, but there are moments in the day where I can not get over how beautiful she is both inside and out and how incredible I think she is. She has taught me so much about myself and they are lessons that I didn’t even know I needed to learn. My daughter is slowly but surely making me a better person as I hope to do for her. Interesting isn’t it. When we have a child, we think that we will do all of the teaching, but oh no, they are the most intense teacher you are ever going to have- and you can’t skip class, he he he.