Yes, I did in fact jinx myself. When will I learn, lol? Okay, I realize that what I write might not have an effect on the real world in such a way, can I really be that superstitious? In a word- yes. Do you ever notice that when things are going really great or really tough we find reasons why things are great or why things are tough and then we become superstitious about it. Kind of like before when I talked about sports teams not shaving or changing their socks, maybe I should start doing that. But in all seriousness now, I just have completely lost the ability to determine what events lead up to us having a good night as opposed to a more challenging night. I have written everything down for 42 nights; every nap time/duration and every bedtime and sleep amount for the night. I wrote down what time we started our routine at and tried to correlate it with length of sleep or night wakings and there is no pattern. Seems to me she just makes up her mind to have a rough night and then does it like a champ- nothing is half-assed in our house, if you are going to do something, do it up right!
I was “collecting” all of this “data” over these last 42 days just for the pure and simple fact that I may be able to see a pattern emerge and then start to follow it. This doesn’t mean that I think this whole sleep thing is an experiment, but rather that I am trying to get it over and done with as fast as possible and if I can see a pattern and replicate it to ease the challenges for everyone why wouldn’t I? Sounds great in theory, but you know what it hasn’t really played out that way. While we are on the topic of theories, I had the notion that it would take 42 DAYS for sleep training to fully commence. I choose this number because it takes an adult brain, which is (arguably) fully mature, at least 21 days to make a behaviour change. So I figured that a developing baby brain would take double that for sure. Well here we are at 42 days and baby maintains that she will not be sleep trained. Maybe it’s at least 42 days… who am I kidding, this is going to be an ongoing thing isn’t it!
We had a couple of really good weeks, so when she woke up tonight at 2:30am, I knew immediately what we were going to face and I was dreading it. I got up and looked at the couch- hello old friend, barely dry from 2 weeks ago’s frustrated tears, it’s me, I have come to sit on you again while my baby does her thing. And baby did her thing, well honestly, she is still doing her thing but it has been downgraded from a code red to green with the occasional yellow.
The colour codes come from our baby monitor. Since our place is pretty tiny there is really no need for a baby monitor with noise, we just keep her door open a crack and our door wide open and I can pretty much hear her roll over from my bed. I keep the monitor on but the sound off so all we see is lights. The lights lit our room up like Vegas tonight- flashy yellows, oranges and reds! You can probably guess that red does not mean that baby is happy. Wouldn’t that be funny to see on a monitor- a smiley face or a sad face. Now an even better thought, wouldn’t it be great if baby came with a manual that had a trouble shooting section that told you how to maintain that smiley face. Maybe that’s what I was trying to do by writing everything down, maybe I was trying to create an Everly manual?
So I am at a bit of a crossroads, like Britney- not a girl and not yet a woman, only different. Do I continue to write all of this down and keep track or just throw caution to the wind and let what happens happen… what ever happens is going to happen whether I write it down or not, but maybe writing it down gave me that little bit of control that I was craving in this whole situation. With our first family vacation days away (yeay!), I knew that things were going to fall apart a little bit and that our routine would be a little messed up but I am okay with that because we are going to be somewhere new and different. I guess I just think that because we are home things should have some continuity if they are going to be same old, same old.
I just want to point out that I don’t blame Everly for these sleep challenged nights and I don’t think that she is a “bad” baby or a “bad sleeper.” I think that she is a wonderful baby and a great sleeper, she just doesn’t do well with conformity, lol, no just kidding. I think she is like every other baby out there in that they will do what they are going to do according to their internal clock. When Everly wants to sleep through the night without waking she will and on nights that she won’t she just won’t, there is nothing that I can do about it and it doesn’t mean that she is bad or to blame. As adults we all have a crappy nights sleep every now and again and we are not trying to process the entire world as a brand new thing while developing a mountain of skills. Baby work is hard work. What we are trying to do with the sleep training is to help her learn how to get the best night’s sleep that she can. And as anyone who has tried to learn something knows- it isn’t always easy to pick up a new skill, especially when you are learning 100 others at the same time!
Oh blessed silence… I think it’s time for me to go to bed. 4:29 am, exactly 2 hours from when she woke up. The good thing about tonight though was that the protesting did not start until she was up for an hour and 15 minutes, the time before this she protested for nearly the entire 2 hours- make way for progress! Ah, how I love this baby of mine 🙂