Click HERE and scroll to page 56… I have experienced all 10 of these myself, (the breastfeeding issue has come only recently) and I would bet my weight in diamonds that almost every mother out there has as well. Who hasn’t felt guilt in motherhood? Can I go so far as to say if you haven’t felt guilt you are doing something wrong, lol… If you haven’t, please raise your hand so that we can spot you and appraise you accordingly! Maybe some of us are better at looking at parenthood objectively, and responding appropriately to our own needs, but my experience has been that all objectivity goes out the window the minute your heart gets so invested.
I visited our Healthcare Professional with Everly on Wednesday as a follow up to our hospital visit for a case of croup (poor baby). Everly is getting better quickly and should be back to herself in a week or so (hmmm, was she ever not herself? I don’t remember her slowing down at all!). It was me who received two prescriptions though. I guess my state of sleep deprivation was a little bit more noticeable than I though. I admitted that sometimes my arm goes numb and tingly and I am experiencing apraxia and dizzy spells, yeah I am tired, but really who isn’t? Every mother that I know is tired! I said that the sleep training was on the back burner until Everly is well again… I was told this is no excuse to not be taking care of myself. Hmmm, I guess it isn’t.
Prescription number 1- I must take 2 hours for myself AT LEAST 5 days of the week and I am not allowed to do household chores during that time (no cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry- all the fun stuff). Well this all sounds good on paper and it’s not like my husband hasn’t been urging me to do this for some time, but at the end of the day I am so freaking tired I just want to zone out and lay down and relax which is kind of hard to do when my home is still full of activity. The last thing that I usually feel like doing is getting ‘outside’ clothes on, getting in the car and going somewhere. But maybe I should. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to see if I actually feel better once I get out… kind of like when you don’t want to go to the gym but you make yourself go and once you start exercising you are glad you went?? Will have to test this theory, maybe tomorrow, lol, no really am acknowledging that I have to test this theory.
Prescription number 2- Brandon and I are to rotate the night shift once sleep training commences. This one also sounds wonderful on paper, except for the fact that I wake up before him and can’t go back to sleep until the baby is also back to sleep, so I still have to hear her cry. I think it might even be worse to lay there and listen to her cry because I feel like I am not doing anything to help. But that’s where the article on guilt comes in. I need to step back and let Everly and Brandon find their way together too. B suggested that I wear earplugs and I hesitated in doing that because he doesn’t wake up as easily as me, but if there is one thing I should know about Everly by now it is that she is REALLY loud when she needs some attention, lol! So I think it’s time to buy some earplugs.
Yesterday the prescriptions were written and I have already broken #1 twice, but it’s not really my fault, seriously it isn’t. Will try to follow the rules more closely and not let outside influences lure me away!