I realize that I may be burned at the stake for this post but here it goes, what the hell! What good is the internet if you can’t share your crazy opinions, lol!
When I was pregnant with Everly I vowed that I was not going to be one of those mothers in the mall with dirty sweatpants, an old t-shirt and greasy hair in a pony tail with their child immaculately dressed in the stroller. I vowed that my child was not going to become my measurement of self worth. I was not going to let myself go and have the “awww she’s so cutes” of my baby be enough. I guess what I am trying to say is that I still wanted people to think I was attractive too, and if we are all HONEST with ourselves who doesn’t? I know there are people out there who don’t have to courage to admit that they would like other people to find them attractive (even if it is just your partner) because they think it is shallow and vein and I think that’s sad and so contradictory. Why shouldn’t we be allowed to want to look nice, especially when we are all kind of expected to (according to pop culture and media)? I am not saying that looks are all that matter, but shouldn’t they matter a little bit? Doesn’t looking nice help you to feel nice? I know it does for me… Oh I am totally showing how shallow I really am, lol!
Now maybe it is because I only have one child, or maybe it is because of my baby’s age, or maybe my baby’s temperament, but I have been able to manage to make myself presentable upon exiting my house up until now (that’s just a smidge of a boastful statement isn’t it! ha ha). Well, actually wait, let’s back that truck up I know lots of moms that still look nice and have children… so maybe it could be because I only have one child, that makes things easier for sure, but it is not because of her age and temperament because even when she was newborn I washed my hair and she is a DEMANDING child so it can’t be her temperament… and all babies have different temperaments so that wouldn’t account for all the yummy mummys I see… Maybe it’s because they, and I, prioritize a little bit of time for ourselves. Ah-ha! There it is! It’s that extra 5 minutes that I make before we leave the house where she is strapped into her car seat/high chair at the door of my bedroom or bathroom while I finish putting myself together. She and I love this moment together, seriously we do. I act all silly and entertaining and she clearly thinks I am the greatest mom, put here on the earth for her pure enjoyment. I hope this 5 minute moment continues as she gets older.
I hadn’t thought much of all this until recently when a friend commented that I was more put together than her and she has no kids, she said usually people with kids aren’t as put together as single people, I said well I guess I find the time and I make it a priority. I think I should take a moment here and clarify what I mean by put together; put together does not mean 4 inch heels and a full face of racoon make-up. Put together could be jeans and a clean graphic t-shirt or cute lulu’s and a nice hoodie with a bit of lip gloss, basically just looking like you made some effort to polish out the rough edges of dried cereal and snot he he he.
Another thing that piqued my attention was an article I read where the mom had said that because she had kids she couldn’t go to the mall to shop for herself and couldn’t wash her hair and couldn’t wear nice clothes when she went out with her kids. Shower at night when your kids are in bed… change your clothes just before you leave the house so they don’t get dirty before you leave, and then change back into your grubs when you get back to your house (thereby reducing the amount of time near the child who’s goal in life is to get everything dirty, lol!). As for shopping… well we have no problems there. I have taken Everly shopping since she was 2 weeks old and she does just fine in the mall. Sure there are days that I can’t try something on, but most stores have great return/exchange policies so you can try it on at home and return if needed (ps. I pretty much only buy things for myself in stores with policies such as this).
I am not using my baby as an excuse to look like dirty and disheveled. If you want to dress sloppy in sweats and dirty t-shits, that’s fine, that’s your choice, just don’t blame it on your baby. And for the record, I don’t think that caring what you look like is an entirely shallow trait either. It’s important that a child learns that the world judges you by how you present yourself (yes I just wrote that). I am not saying that we should all look the same, or that my version of put together is the right one. I know that this way of thinking which our society has subscribed to might not be morally right or fair, but it is the truth of our world and probably not likely to change, especially when people like me perpetuate the belief, I know, I know :)- Yes I have heard that we all have the power to change the world and that I should teach my child the right way and yadda, yadda, yadda… Obviously I will tell Everly not to judge a book by it’s cover, I will tell her that the inside is really what counts at the end of the day. But I am also going to be realistic with her, something like informed consent and then she can make her own choices about what to do in a situation. When Everly goes for her first job interview or has to defend her thesis (obvi) I hope that she will remember that looking put together will help people to take her seriously, because although it shouldn’t matter in a perfect world, it does in this one. Or maybe, by the time she is this age none of this stuff will matter and she will think her mom is as shallow as two drops of rain on a dime! She is going to hate me for something one day, it might as well be for wanting her to look nice, ha ha ha (that was an evil villain laugh).