Alright, I need to vent here…
So why do some people feel that it is okay to tell me that I am too thin to be 3 months pregnant? Or that I don’t look pregnant and am I sure that I am in fact pregnant. It would not be socially acceptable to walk up to a woman who was very noticeably showing and say to her that she is too fat to be 3 months pregnant, or just too fat to be pregnant. Or why is it okay to ask a woman anything about the size, shape, etc of her baby bump in an accusatory tone? If you have ever been pregnant you know exactly what I am talking about. The comments start the minute you announce your pregnancy.
I would just like to put it out there that pregnant women DO NOT appreciate comments about their baby belly unless it is something along the lines of: oh, how sweet, or congratulations, or looking good, or you look so cute or you are glowing… and oh my good lord I can think of so many more positive things to say that do not allude to size and shape in a way that makes a woman feel judged. We pregnant women welcome these kinds of comments. Most of us are already feeling pretty lousy so to hear that we look cute/good/hot is going to make our freaking day. The variety that sound like: are you sure there is only one? Are you sure you are pregnant and wow you are humungous… are not acceptable comments. Remember that old saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your big mouth shut you jerk?” Okay maybe it didn’t go exactly like that but you know the one… well this saying also applies to the pregnant women. We are not exempt like so many people seem to think we are. I don’t care how well meaning the person is, I can guarantee that that the comment still stings.
I also have an issue with the fact that I am “not allowed” to be upset that I am not showing. People brush it off with “compliments” and tell me that I should be happy that I am keeping my shape or not having to buy maternity clothes yet. But… I just wonder if it ever occurred to anyone that I might like to look pregnant too. That maybe I am jealous of the girls who pop out overnight and have that adorable belly. That maybe it might even upset me or hurt my feelings… I understand that people think they are being nice or they might think that they are being funny and I appreciate the attempt, but it really doesn’t cheer me up at all; it actually minimizes what I am feeling.
For me, it’s hard to be pregnant. And I can’t speak for all of us, but I do imagine that pregnancy isn’t a cake walk for anyone who is honest. Every pregnant woman that I have known has dealt with the “am I normal” issue. To start with you feel all weird physically and emotionally; your body does all these funky things that you sometimes can’t make sense of and you ride the hormone rollercoaster on a daily basis. You find yourself crying at a Bruno Mars song… enough said. It makes it even more challenging when people are constantly critiquing how you look, what you eat, how you sit, what kind of health care provider you have, what shoes you wear, et-freaking-cetera… The list is endless to what people feel they can “offer advice” on when you are knocked up.
Maybe I am overly sensitive, hey wait, I am pregnant, OF COURSE I am overly sensitive… but it just really gets my panties in a knot about this issue. Every pregnant woman has the right to look how she looks. It is none of your business really unless she asks. And if she does ask, by God you tread lightly friend. And every woman has the right to make the choices that she does as long as she is not a harm to herself, her family or her baby. It’s none of your f’ing business “kindly” elderly woman on the elevator. Oops, did I type that.
So the next time you are about to say something about a pregnant lady’s bump or what you feel is a lack there of… think about it for 30 seconds and wonder if you would like someone saying that to you. Would you like someone pointing out your big nose, flat ass, cankles, or eighthead? Or would you rather they comment on your cute ears, shiny hair, full lips or sparkly eyes. And if you don’t be warned… the legion of pregnant ladies that I am assembling will rip you limb from limb in a sacrificial ceremony.