Wiggle Your Big Toe

Friday morning I had a Kill Bill moment. I was laying in bed and I knew it was time to get up and for the freaking life of me I could not move my body. I thought to myself, do like Uma, just wiggle your big toe, just one little wiggle… one little piggy wiggle… and of course I wiggled and then got out of bed. My eyes were half open. My left eye lid was literally glued half shut to my prosthetic as I am having a flare up of chronic conjunctivitis. Thanks to a little warm compress with the washcloth I was blinking comfortably a few minutes later!

Physically getting out of bed was a pain in the ass, also literally as my Sciatic nerve is currently pinched and sends shooting/numbing sensations down my legs. I hoisted myself with my arms to take a little pressure off my pelvis and OUCH! Yeay Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I quickly leaned back on my elbows and sexily rolled off the bed. Oh so sexily. Picture that for a minute. Half hunched over pregnant lady in an old tank top and ratty pj pants with one eye glued half shut, hair like Krusty the Clown and a wrist splint gracefully rolling out of bed. And when I say gracefully I mean graceful as in a beached whale trying to get back in the water. Yep, so graceful, so sexy. Are you sad that someone has married me already? You should be.

My motivation for getting out of bed… nausea and a toddler yelling at me “MA, MA, ma-ma, ma-ma, AWAKE! AWAKE!” If I don’t eat right away I start to gag. And then eating breakfast becomes very challenging. And eating breakfast is very important as it allows me to keep my iron supplements down, which is essential when you are anemic. The toddler motivation speaks for itself. My hat goes off to you if you can sleep through that. She has upped her game to include prying your eyes open too and slapping your cheeks. Just a tiny bit painful when one eye is crusted shut.

I am a ball of positivity these days, can you tell? Holding my tongue is becoming tricky. I am bitter, I am angry, I am cynical and I am blatantly rude sometimes. I feel bad complaining, when I have so much to feel blessed about, but it is becoming increasingly challenging to see the silver linings on these gray clouds. And I feel bad when I am blatantly rude. And I don’t think what I am currently experiencing should be an excuse for behaving this way, but rather it’s why I am behaving this way. I am apologizing A LOT!

Last week in particular was really hard with Mother’s Day and Everly’s second birthday party. My mom was not there for either. Well I guess she was if you want to get all airy fairy spiritual. But physically she wasn’t there. I didn’t buy her a card and I didn’t get her a gift and Everly didn’t get to say her rehearsed “Happy Mother’s Day” to her. But, she did say it to me and she did say it to  B’s mom.

I have been distracting myself with work and anger. Inevitably they will both lift and the tears will come, I am just not ready for them yet.

Wiggle. Your. Big. Toe.


1 Comment

Filed under Daily Check In

One response to “Wiggle Your Big Toe

  1. Dude, you are knocked up again and basically writing my thoughts… I am 2 weeks behind you pregnancy wise, our daughters share the same name… You better not be picking the same name for baby #2 as me, LOL.

    I know the anger and resentment, unfortunately and am lashing out also. Basically we are cranky from hormones and from housing the parasite that is our unborn babies. It takes it’s toll, that is life. Everyone else can toughen up or step up and offer a hand, or back the eff away.

    If you need a venting buddy I am your girl! 😛

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