My stomach issues have returned. They came back with a bang on the night of B’s cousin’s wedding. I was nursing Matthew in our car at the reception and all of a sudden I felt that familiar gurgle, gurgle, gurgle deep down in my gut. I immediately broke out into a cold sweat and could feel panic rising in my chest. I envisioned hours spent on a port-a-powder room before we could drive home, because at the worst of times that’s what it would have meant. I put up the mental block, reminded myself to stay calm. I said it’s only going to be worse if you stress about it. I started block breathing… gurgle, gurgle, gurgle… block breathing was not going to cut it. I unlatched Matthew and made my way to the green giants, and thanked all the deities that there was not a line. If so, I would have been the talk of the wedding circuit for years to come! I sat down and Matthew started to cry, of course he was still hungry. So I latched him back on and proceeded to nurse my 10 day old baby in a shit bucket. Cue the tears. I apologized to Matthew, yes as if he really cared. I sat in there for about 20 minutes, burped him and then felt prepared to make a dash for the house. The lovely bride had offered the amenities of the house as we had a newborn with us (thanks H!). I quickly found B and told him where I was headed and told him what was going down. And then I walked to the house.
I couldn’t remember how far the walk from the orchard to the house was. I kept looking for inconspicuous spots where I could perch my Judas bottom if need be. I didn’t want to walk too fast because walking can cue the bowels to get moving, but I didn’t want to take my time, because my bowels were already, um, moving at a pretty good pace. I saw the house in my line of vision. I sighed relief. I also spotted B’s cousin and her wife at the door, you could not ask for better people to leave your baby with while you painfully poop! They happily took the baby when I told them my situation. Thank goodness I am over being embarrassed about it. I thanked them and they said no, thank you, they were happy to get the baby all to themselves. I sighed relief again and headed for the bathroom.
And another great use for the iphone appears- toilet issues. I have never been bored on the toilet since I got my iphone. Yes, I used to get bored on the toilet. When you are there for up to 45 minutes at a time, multiple times in a period of 4-5 hours there are only so many things you can do. With my iphone I can do pretty much anything. Thank you Steve Jobs for making my diarrheal more pleasant (they should adopt that for a slogan for their next series of commercials). So I creeped on Facebook, I got up to date on Twitter and I read a few blogs that I like to follow. I could sense that things were coming to an end.
I reclaimed my happily entertained baby boy and was met by B and Everly, I nursed him once more (yup, he ate every two hours religiously then as well) and we headed home, from Metchosin. I will admit that I was scared of the car ride. A few times I have been in the situation where I needed to go and I was stuck in a car with no toilet in sight. Fortunately, through divine intervention I made it to one, but I don’t like to think about what it would be like to NOT! I turned on the heated seats to lessen the pain from the cramps and was finally starting to feel comfortable again.
I said to B, it’s back. He was so calm and understanding. I was expecting to get a lecture about eating cheesecake, I was expecting him to say, you knew this would happen. But bless the man, he didn’t. He said it’s okay, you will figure out different things to eat, you will get used to it, you will be fine. I cried a little bit; one tear for sour keys, another for Slurpees, another big fat alligator for Japanese Village- good bye old friends, how I will miss you.
The day after I was still struggling to keep food in my body for longer than 20 minutes. I didn’t eat much at all. By Tuesday I was starting to feel better. On Wednesday I ate Fish and Chips for dinner (IDIOT! Yes I just slapped my forehead with my palm). I hit rock bottom. And my bottom felt like it had been hit by molten hot lava rocks. I might add here that the monster rhoids from late pregnancy and delivery really appreciated this flare up and they returned to their one day post delivery size and pain level. Yahoo! Okay, I learned my lesson I said to B. I won’t do it anymore. I don’t know why I have to tempt fate like that. I behaved like I toddler. I just have to see what I can get away with. And I am slowing learning that it isn’t much.
So, I have returned to my hypoallergenic diet with some modifications. I am still having dairy and nuts, to help keep the fat content of my breastmilk up for Matthew and so far they don’t seem to be causing an issue. I have also kept in peas and cranberries, again, no sign of an issue as long as they are pure and unsweetened (side note- anyone know where you can get dried cranberries that are not sweetened?).
This change in my diet has caused me to get creative and start cooking again! I have to, as pretty much every single packaged food has sugar, corn or a high fat content. I am not a terrible cook, I am just lazy. People actually tell me that I cook quite well. But yeah, I am lazy. Well nothing like getting bored of bland food to motivate even the laziest of lazies. And I would like to share my journey from lazy to lady of the kitchen with you!
I have been doing a lot of research into recipes that use honey and maple syrup as substitutes for sugar and I want to try them all! I will share the process and the recipes and hopefully they will benefit someone else out there. Anyone can eat them, the modified versions are much better for you than refined sugar, nobody should really eat that stuff.
For my first post…
Honey Raisin Oatmeal Cookies
½ cup margarine at room temperature
1 cup honey
1 ½ cups flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
4 tablespoons milk
2 cups oatmeal
2 cups raisins
The recipe that I got this from to modify originally called for 1 and 2/3 cups of oatmeal and 1 cup of raisins, but after making the cookies I realized the batter could use some thickening up and I added more of each. When you use honey it makes things a little more gooey- oh and also more likely to burn! (FYI) I also added some cinnamon.
Preheat oven to 350 F
Blend honey into softened margarine
Stir in egg
Add flower and baking powder together and then add oatmeal
Stir in raisins
Drop spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet
Bake for 15 minutes
I baked for 18 minutes in my oven. I closely watched the cookies to make sure they were not burning on the bottoms (due to honey). I got 24 nice sized cookies from this recipe. The cookies are super yummy and even toddler approved (she doesn’t even know the difference!).
Okay, there you have it! Recipe numero uno. I hope to do this once a week from now on, but of course my two spawns may interrupt this lofty goal from time to time! If you have a recipe that you would like to share please email it to me (firstname.lastname@example.org). The only conditions are that it has to only use honey, applesauce or maple syrup as a sweetener).