Tag Archives: daughter

One Year

Babeh Babeh is one year old today. I just can’t believe how quickly this past year has gone, or how much has happened. He’s been keeping us all on our toes. So many happy days, and a handful of really scary ones. His last surgery went well, there is a 30% chance that he will not need the second surgery, and we are crossing our fingers! He hasn’t lost any more weight, which is wonderful because he was very sick at the end of May and had surgery in June. He has been discharged from occupational therapy services, and is on follow-up status with physiotherapy and infant development. He is sleeping through the night, and napping once a day. He eats what we eat, and meal time meltdowns are minimal these days. He is still very clingy. Very clingy. Very, Very. Clingy. LOL. He has been my lesson in ultimate patience. He has made it up to 5 steps at a time. He can nearly rise to his feet on his own without support now too. He’s darn fast in crawling or bum scooting. It’s actually pretty surprising! He says: mama, dad, hi, dance, ball, dog, car, balloon, bird, “dat”” (as in what’s that), and just recently started saying “what” (this new word is likely a direct result of how often he hears this word during the day, because he is always fussing and I am always saying WHAT???). Last Tuesday he pointed to Evie twice and said “Ah-E,” but he hasn’t said it since, so I am guessing soon his tormentor will have a name, ha ha. When you ask him where mama’s nose is, he points to my nose, and the same for my eyes! Right now we are working on mouth… he really enjoys fish-hooking. He can feed himself with a spoon, and has started to stab food with a fork, but his table manners still leave much to be desired! Boys are such messy eaters, my goodness. He loves to dance and climb. He will climb anything, fortunately he has been receptive in learning how to climb down as well (might have taken one or two bails, but eventually he realized that I was trying to help him and not take away his fun). He likes cheese, raisins, and all kinds of fruit, we joke that he is a spider monkey. He will sit through almost an entire board book now (yay!). He likes Thomas the Train and Yo Gabba Gabba when he has TV time, the second kid totally has more TV time. Originally I felt guilty about this, but I have since gotten over it. Life is short, don’t sweat the small stuff, and all that hullaballoo. Matthew is the perfect completion to our family.

These photos were incredibly challenging. I might even go so far to say that this was the most challenging mini session that I have done EVER. He constantly wants to be attached to me, and he constantly wants to move. Yeah, that kind of gives you an idea of what I had to work with. He has low tolerance for anything that gets in his way of meeting those two needs. There aren’t a lot of smile for grandma shots, but that’s not my kid; Matthew is not a smile for grandma type. So I guess you could say that this session captures him almost perfectly, ha ha ha. Happy Birthday Babeh:)

And how much he has changed in one year. He is about 5 days old on the left. He weighed 7 pounds, and was 22 inches long. And one year on the right! 17 pounds heavier, and 9 inches taller!

The one year compare shot. Babeh on the left, and Evie on the right. Matty is weighing in at 24 pounds, 2 ounces, and he is 31 inches tall. Everly was 21 pounds, 3 ounces, and 31 inches tall. He really slowed down! They are only 3 pounds apart, and I never thought they would be the same height at one year. Everly was only 19 inches when she was born, Matty was 22. Evie made up for being 3 pounds less, by growing 3 inches more 🙂 Ahh my babies.

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Pampered Pickle Post

I can across this poem of statistics below a few weeks ago and it really got me to thinking about how lucky most of us really are.

“If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won’t survive the week.

If you have a non-dirt floor in the place you live,
you belong to the upper half of the world’s most prosperous people.

If you have
a window,
a door,
and more than one room,
you belong to the upper 20 percent of the world’s richest people.

Regardless of where you live,
if you have a pair of shoes,
a change of underwear,
and can choose from two or more foods to eat,
you belong to the top 10 percent of the world’s most wealthy.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.

If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone’s hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God’s healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.”

Although sometimes I might feel that my life is not worth living because I can not go out and buy that pair of Tom Ford Sunglasses that I *need* it’s really not that bad (hey, I am nothing if not a bit dramatic sometimes!). I am so blessed in so many ways, and so is my daughter. I have decided to devout Mondays to a Pampered Pickle Post where Everly and I share our favourite things in our pampered world; because let’s face it, we really are pampered!

For the first ever Pampered Pickle Post I would like to talk a little bit about a certain Melissa and Doug house that I bought Everly about a month ago. She loves THIS HOUSE. When she started her obsession with keys I knew I had to find something that would quench her thirst but was also safe for her to play with. I had no idea what I was even looking for, and then I found this gem! It has keys and doors and even- BUTTONS (another current obsession). She will play with this house for a good 5 – 10 minutes solid, and for those of you with 18 month olds you know that this is an eternity for this age group to keep their attention on one thing! She can now open door number 1 all by herself! For those of you with a toddler on the constant quest for keys and buttons- this is your toy!

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Good Bye Old Friend

The end of an era has dawned; my daughter is no longer nursing. When she was born and I started breastfeeding I said that I was going to do it for one year and then she was cut off (yes, “cut off” were my exact words). After my 10 months of vomit filled pregnancy, I wanted my body back to myself and dreamed about the day that I could eat what I wanted and drink what I wanted… Well, one year came and went, my priorities changed and we were still a nursing team. I learned all about the World Health Organization’s 2 year recommendation and that the world average of nursing cessation was 4.2 years old… so I decided at 2 years we would start the weaning process. I felt good about our choice to continue, and I say our choice because it was one that we both made. Everly had already decreased feedings at her own pace since she turned one year, it wasn’t something that I pushed or discouraged. On her own she went down to 2 feedings/day (nap and bedtime) and I was happy to continue with this routine. It didn’t bother me that some people thought it was weird that I was still nursing her. I thought it was weird that they thought it was weird… ah our lovely Western Culture and its sexualization of the breasts.

And then I started experiencing severe digestive health issues. Suddenly I had doctors encouraging me to take different medications that were not healthy to take while nursing. I had a tough choice- her or me; for the past 2 months, I have chosen her. After some soul searching and talking to other experienced moms, I realized it wasn’t such a black and white situation; there was pretty shade of gray area. By taking these pills that may help to stabilize my digestive health I am better able to be there for her all the time. I won’t have to keep a stash of toys in the bathroom just in case we have to hang out in there for extended periods of time and we won’t have to remain at home when we would rather be at the park or the pool or playgroup.

I took the opportunity to stop nursing while I was away in Las Vegas at my cousin’s wedding last week. I thought it would be the perfect time. I would be away from her so she wouldn’t expect it anyway, and this time away I was told would dry up my supply. Okay, plan in place. My last nursing session with her was the Saturday night before I left. I was sitting with her in the rocking chair and feeding her as she drifted off to sleep. I could not help but cry, and I can’t help but get misty eyed about it now as I write. I just thought in my head, remember this moment. Everly warm and snuggly in my arms, the smell of her freshly bathed skin, still wet curls at the nape of her neck, the gentle suckling of her cheeks and pursed lips, her pink sleep sack and her baby in her arms. I put her down in her crib, by now she was in a deep sleep and I told her I loved her and that I would see her in a few days. I probably checked on her 4 times that night, just to watch her sleep before I left.

Las Vegas was great. No pain from milk supply, the sun was out and the deck chairs were welcoming! News from home told me that Everly was taking my absence like a champ; I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about that one, lol! I was still feeling sad about stopping, and I was missing her, but all in all I knew that I was doing the right thing. Each day I check to see if the milk was drying up as I was told it would. I pictured this desert wasteland that my boobs would become inside, maybe it would nastify them even more? But each day there was still milk- wth? I shrugged it off as weird and went about my sun bathing and shopping.

I got home from Las Vegas late at night. I had to sneak a peek at my sleeping girl. I breathed in the smell of her room, the smell of my daughter everywhere; ahhhh, home. She looked so peaceful and I have to admit that it took all my might to keep myself from scooping her up and holding her! The next day when nap time came, I rocked her and put her down, no issues at all… same for bedtime. The days since have been the same, she has only asked once or twice and has been easily distracted by Goodnight Moon both times. It was hard to say no and I felt guilty, but I did it. We did it. And I think now it’s safe to say that she is officially weaned (despite the fact that I still have milk; gross, when will this stuff dry up? Am I that much of a milk machine?).

I didn’t expect it to be this hard. And I didn’t expect to miss nursing this much. I thought that I would beam with freedom from the mountain tops and drink Bellini’s and eat onions like a fiend. I guess it doesn’t help that I now know I am allergic to onions and can’t eat them anyway and I am not supposed to drink either;  that bit is a little anticlimactic isn’t it. But nursing was good to me and I would like to thank breastfeeding for the following:

1)      Helping my body fit into a size 4. Yes, size 4. The recent removal of sugar and high fat foods among other things has also helped with this, but Nursing can be credited with 40 pounds worth of the 60 pounds that I have lost. Wow, just typing that makes me all the more thankful again. Boobs you are great!

2)      Taking multi-tasking to a whole new level. I could nurse, Photoshop, talk on the phone and have a snack all at the same time. I remember setting up a nursing station early on- water, lip balm, phones (home and cell), remote and oh, the baby (ha). By the end I could walk around and nurse at the same time (ta-da!).

3)      Making my life easier. I saw what moms who bottle fed had to go through. The formula making, the boiling water, washing and boiling bottles, filling bottles, heating bottles, it seemed like an endless amount of work. Time and time again, all I had to do was lift up or pull down my shirt and whip out a boob, affix to E’s mouth and we were ready to rock and roll. This convenience was especially nice in the middle of the night when I just had to roll to my side and she was beside me.

4)      Newfound respect for my body and mother nature. Before I became a mother, I thought about my body in terms of looks and valued it that way. Now I am better able to value it for function. I grew a baby and then fed that baby. I know women do it all the time, but still, it’s pretty freaking amazing.

5)      My attachment to my daughter. Now this one is tricky. I am not saying that mothers who don’t breastfeed their babies won’t attach as well, because it’s just not true, they will. All I am saying is that personally, nursing Everly really helped me to attach to her and I am pretty confident that it helped her to attach with me. We had a bit of a traumatic birth. Things didn’t go as planned and I was in shock after she was born. I didn’t get that glowy moment where she was put on my chest and B cut the cord and all that. So it wasn’t until we were snuggled together and we were trying to get her to latch that I realized I had a baby. I know that sounds really stupid but it’s true. It dawned on me, I am responsible for this precious little bug! She looked up at me through those long lashes of hers and she likely thought something of the same.

And that’s all I can think of for now. But I am sure there is more! Breastfeeding I tip my hat to you, it’s been a good run friend.

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Hannah and her Sister {Victoria, BC Baby Photography}

The only thing better than photographing newborn babies, is getting to continue to photograph them as they grow up! I first met Hannah when she was a freshie. What I remembered most about her from our newborn session was her big blue eyes and her super baby strength at that early age. Upon seeing her again at 6 months old, I was not surprised to see that these same two memorable traits had remained. She still has those amazing swimming pool eyes, and the strong little bean sat unsupported for a good stretch of time- pretty awesome feat for a 6 month old 🙂 This day was sweaty hot as well, I believe it was day 3 of our now famous heatwave. We sought out the shady spots and even let Hannah have a little air out session in her diaper on some cool, squishy green grass (as you will see below!). Miss Hannah is one of my Watch Me Grow babies and I can not wait to do just that!

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Sunshine Sophia {Victoria, BC Newborn Photography}

Sophia welcome to the world and welcome to Vancouver Island! She made the trip here with her mommy to visit Auntie Serena, who is a friend of mine. Auntie Serena planned for lttle Sophia’s pictures far in advance, I think it might have been around the time that she found out her sister was expecting in fact! I was very excited at the prospect as I knew that this baby girl was going to be stunning if her mama was any indication (scroll down, you’ll see what I mean). If I were going to sum up our shoot in one word it would be sticky! It was a hot, hot day here in Victoria and we needed to keep the room that way to help little S stay cozy in her state of undress. Auntie Serena, mommy and I were all sweating or “schvitzing” as Serena would say and using our shirts as fans! Sophia made it bareable with her cuteness though, all 3 of us fawning over her as a loving stylist/photographer team. Now I always say how much I love it when my clients feed me (lol) and this shoot was no exception! Serena had some of my favourite cookies on hand and some yummy fresh cherries- a cute baby, yummy snacks, good company and a sunny day… can life get any better? I think not! I hope you love these ladies 🙂

Yes there are two birth announcements! LOL! A girl’s gotta have choices!

* Please note that many of these images were created with the use of extensive post production editing in Photoshop 5; please do not attempt at home *

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The Other Side

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to be on the other side of the lens… the lens of Jon-Mark. We have been planning our yearly family photo session since April. We had originally decided on a date 3 weeks earlier but E’s ezcema flare up led us to postpone. Call me a bad parent but I didn’t want to have memories recorded of her being red, itchy and uncomfortable.

So the date was upon us. We had our outfits all picked out- we coordinated but did not match (he he). I had carefully selected a time that would produce E at her best; 2:00pm. That morning I went to the Swap and Shop with a friend (so much fun) and left E with her dad for a fun dad and daughter morning. When I arrived home at 10:00am he said that she had just gone to sleep, perfect I mused to myself- everything is going according to plan. I was just getting ready to tackle some business stuff and “waahhhhhh, wahhhhhhh, wahhhhh,” E woke up. I gave her 3 minutes to see if she would settle and go back down on her own, yeah right. So I pulled her out of bed and tried to do the “lazy mother” and nurse her to sleep; no dice there either- she was up and not going back to sleep. I started to stress. I did the calculations and yep, she would want to nap right at 2:00pm. I cursed in my mind. I have now taken to cursing in my mind as E has a vocabulary of 30 words that grows everyday… the last thing I need is for her to show up at granny and grandpa’s and drop a big fat F-Bomb.

We showed up at the agreed upon location. E had fallen asleep on the way there within 3 minutes of our arrival of course. We woke her up, she dealt with that quite well, it looked promising. We strapped her into her stroller, she was eager to stroll and take in the city sights… okay maybe we can swing this. We talk to the lovely Jon-Mark and decide on locations within our location. And now it’t time for pictures… and that’s where she decided to turn up the mean on her mug.

We tried different types of photos; the “smile for grandma” type and the more photojournalistic style. Do I even need to say that the latter were way more successful. Poor Jon-Mark, he did not appear frustrated in the least but I still felt bad for him. I can’t imagine what the session would have looked like had he not been so talented and understanding. He thought on the fly and tried to make E’s moods work for us. We began the challenge of capturing the meanest “smug mug” and all giggled about the results. E would not hold hands, she would not sit and she would not smile… well okay she smiled a few times but it was when B and I were not in the pictures and were making damn fools out of ourselves to get her to smile. The i-phone soothed her, so we will now have family photos with that important 4th family member- dad’s i-phone; I am sure that Apple would approve and if Steve Jobs read this post you would see a new i-phone commercial that featured family photos with their i-phone in the photo or at least a “family photo” i-phone app.

I appologized profusely to Jon-Mark. I said the usual, she is usually really happy or she’s tired and I’m sorry. Jon-Mark was convinced that she didn’t like him, I convinced him otherwise and said that really in that moment she didn’t like anyone! I have been Jon-Mark in this situation before. I have had the mom apologize and be embarassed and a teensy bit annoyed with their child. Oh did I say teensy bit, I really mean a lot. I was a lot annoyed. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I was still annoyed. B on the otherhand was cool as a cucumber. He was all serenity, how does he do it, how does he? Likely years of dealing with her ma (me) has taught him a thing or two about a prickly female, lol.

I am fortunate that in this situation I knew what was happening behind the lens. I knew that despite the lack of sit down and smile there were memories of my little family being created. I knew that Jon-Mark’s skill would prevail and that I would gush the same thing that the other mothers say to me, “I don’t know how you did it, these photos are amazing.” I am pretty sure what makes these shots still amazing is that they are of your family. Yes, that’s right your family. Your family is more than an image, your family is an energy and these more photojournalistic images capture that. You look at the photos and you remember what was happening, you remember the feelings that you had, the smells that were around you (mmm waffles), the feel of the sunshine peeking through the clouds, the uneven pavement under your feet and the smile you exchanged with your partner when you were proud of a new skill that your little girl demonstrated. I am pretty sure that I will prefer these shots over the smile for grandma types (as Jon-Mark called them). I wonder if other families feel the same or if it is just because I also have a love of photography and prefer these types of shots from others’ sessions as well?

So I can proudly say that like all scary situations, being on the other side of the lens taught me a few things:

– I now know what it feels like to be the mom of the child who will not cooperate. Note to self, offer support to the mom, lend an ear, a shoulder or a tissue (hmmm, maybe I should carry mom emergency chocolate?). When said child is not cooperating work with them, not against them, you will create memories for the famliy.

– Being in front of the camera is scary. Talk to people about a happy memory or exciting life event while photographing them. Jon-Mark kept the conversation alive and it helped me to relax A LOT.

– The dad hates having his photo taken more than the uncooperative child. Ohhh goodness does he ever. I have always noticed at shoots that the dad seems uncomfortable. I try to be funny and get them laughing, even if it means making fun of myself. Jon-Mark was great with us, but B still wasn’t excited about the photo session as I felt he should be. I asked him why and it comes down to this, guys typically don’t value family photos as much as we ladies do. They just don’t get our need to document every detail. They don’t get baby books and they don’t get saving curls or first teeth. I asked B how I can help dads, he said make it quick and organized so that I can get in and get out; makes sense if you think of the whole hunter gatherer thing (we like to lovingly collect, they like to strike and get the heck out). Good thing for us, he liked Jon-Mark’s speedy style 🙂

– With a talented photographer, good photos amount from even the most frustrating session. When you think that everything has failed don’t worry, all is not lost just because you don’t have the typical family photo shot. In fact you might get better than that, you might get a shot that actually captures your family as they are!

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Mama’s Turn To Cry

Everly is 1. It happend. It came and went with a vengence. When her party was done on Saturday I commented to a girlfriend that I felt the same way that I did when our wedding was over. It’s such a whirlwind of a day, well make that a whirlwind of a year. I feel like my head is still spinning and it’s Wednesday!

I loaded the pictures from the party onto my computer and was in the process of posting them up on Facebook for eager (and patient- thank you) family members, when I realized just how much Everly has changed over this past year. Some of the girls at work admitted to having an “Everly Photo Marathon” where they looked at all of her Facebook “albums” from the past year- they said I must have switched babies halfway through because she just doesn’t look the same anymore… no she doesn’t at all; she’s growing up.

After the photos were posted they received comments like “wow she isn’t a baby anymore” and “welcome to toddlerhood” and “she looks like a little girl now.” {Sigh} Yes she does look like a little girl now. She acts like a little girl too. We have embarked on the toddler attitude and wonderfully tricky character traits like: shaking her head no, spitting out food, biting, pushing, screaming so that Mars can hear, and that’s just a few. If you are a parent to a toddler, or have been you totally know what I am talking about. Some days I look at her and think wow, one year ago you couldn’t really do anything, now you are pointing at me and telling me what to do (points at me, says “mama,” points at food, says “mowe.”

I was asked how I am doing emotionally with her turning one, um, not good… is that the right answer? Isn’t that the only answer? I actually replied that I knew it was coming and I more felt the one year crunch when she hit certain milestones like walking and talking. I know that she isn’t a baby anymore, but she is still my baby. When I was nursing her on her birthday she fell asleep in my arms and I just rode with it. I cuddled into her little body and watched her sleep, just as fascinated with the planes of her face as I was one year previously. I told myself- remember this and then I took a multisensory account of the moment. Where’s that moment recording machine that I said I wanted?

Everly at 4 hours old!

Everly at 1 year old!

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I (heart) Lucy

Today I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Lucy and what a cute little bug she is. Her mom Anna and I went to junior high and high school together and I was just delighted when Anna contacted me for a photo session. It is always fun to see your old friends and especially fun when they have stinking cute brand new ones to introduce you to. Mommy, Daddy and baby are all settling in wonderfully and are a picture perfect little family as you can plainly see from the shots below. Congratulations Lucy, Anna and Colin 🙂

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May Promotion

Hello readers of Our Little Pickle!

The month of May is an exciting one for myself and my family… little Everly is going to be one! This has been a big year for us, full of fun and challenges (as you know if you read this), but most of all love 🙂

In celebration of Everly beginning her second year of life I will be offering 20% off all photo sessions and custom design/print commissions booked for May. That’s maternity, newborn, children and family photos as well as birth announcements, invitations, save the dates and more.

I still have the following dates available: May 9th, 15th, 16th, 29th and 30th.

Thank you for supporting my business and I look forward to working with you to create lasting memories.

Jessica

The Little Miss on her birthday invitation… how time flies:

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Spring

Spring is coming, or maybe it is already here if all of the flowers are any indication! When I visited my Nana and Papa last week they had many blooms in their yard- daffs, crocus, tulips and they were too good to pass up taking a picture with. While choosing a location I found this awesome vintage Canada Dry crate and I knew we had a picture! I have told my Nana and Papa to enjoy this crate until my studio is completed, because once it is I AM STEALING IT! 

Baby girl in the daffodils

 

With Spring now here it means that Everly’s first birthday is fast approaching, wow, how the hell did that happen… or to quote Everly’s dad, “Qu’est que F**K?” I have started to plan her birthday party, she is wearing 12-18 month sized clothes, she talks, she walks… she is officially a toddler ugh! And again I ask myself, how did this happen? The one year mark for anything always seems to be a time for reflection. I myself have been reflecting on my first year of motherhood and have come to decide what my most favourite and least favourite things are about being a mom. I am going to start with my least favourite so that the post finishes on a positive note. 🙂

 Least Favourite:

– Cutting nails; this counts for both fingers and toes. This has always been one of those things I just do not like doing. When the baby is very tiny it is hard to even see their nails let alone trim them! Then, further on down the road of development, babies do not like to sit still once they can move; at this stage in the game nail cutting is like hostage negotiations.

 – Sleep training; if you read this blog you know why! I would have to count sleep training Everly as one of the most challenging experiences of my life. It was necessary for our family and in the end I am SO glad I did it, but it was tough.

 – claustrophobia; if you are a mother you probably know immediately what I mean by this… you no longer have any personal space, lol! When I am washing Everly’s bowls and spoons at the sink she comes up behind me and grabs onto my pants and pulls and screams. I am not sure if she is trying to be funny and “pants” me in front of her dad or if she is secretly working for the pants testing company, either way it is one of those things that illogically makes me crazy.

 – Dusting the crib; all those slats make for annoying dusting, I think the only thing worse is dusting the venetian blinds!

 Most Favourite:

 – Wake up snuggles; that moment when you lift the baby from their crib and the bury their face in the crook of your neck and murmur. They are warm and squishy and smell oh so good; that moment of my day is the one in which I feel most loved.

 – Anytime snuggles; now that Everly is on the move it is rare for us to get a snuggle in! I love it when she seeks me out, climbs into my arms, wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a big, wet, sloppy kiss. She usually squeals in what I believe is either delight or battle cry at this moment also, which makes it all the more adorable.

 – Pride; I don’t mean personal pride, but pride when I look at my daughter and can say I taught her that or I helped her to discover that. Recently Everly was assessed as a learning tool for work (she was the test baby) and she did well, so well that some of her skills were nearly 12 weeks beyond her actual age. I admit it, I felt good when I saw how well she did. I beamed. What parent doesn’t want their child to do well?

 – Adventure; although we don’t really go somewhere super fantastic every day, we still have adventures. Every thing is new to Everly and therefore I get to see everything new again through her eyes. It has been a long time since I have examined a leaf or a flower so closely, makes you realize that you might take a lot of beautiful and interesting things for granted!

 – Her smile; there is nothing in this world that can make my heart melt like Everly’s smile. I think that’s why all of us around her will go to the ends of the earth to make it appear on those days when she is grumpy. I have to admit that I would be embarrassed if someone saw some of the ways I behave when it is just me and her; the silly songs, the sweet dance moves, the voices, I am a such a dork; but it makes her laugh so I get over it!

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